As she came home and dropped her bag, I knew that all did not go well on the first day of her new session in the school. The usually chirpy, flamboyant and hyperactive younger fairy was all in herself today. She was not talking much while we were driving back home after the school got over...She needed help.
That her mother noted this in the very first glance when she reached home, was no surprise. Not only the change in her demeanour was easily visible, my wife - who also happens to be my intellectual companion - had a knack of wisdom, which men just long for.
We tried to let her be for sometime. When things did not change much by the evening, we thought of intervening.
"What happened Harshu? You are not your usual self today..", I initiated the dialogue.
"Nothing special...", she exclaimed - as she was in deep thinking - quite unusual of her nature.
"Something has happened in school today. I am very sure. Tell us beta..." said my wife.
"No, nothing.." She responded to her.
She wanted to be all by herself. Children usually do not understand stress, though they experience it - much more than what we do. They have their own small world - and so many situations - seemingly so small for us - are big enough to cause havoc in their little mind's fairyland.
One of the first signs of stress is that the child does not want to interact with anyone. She did not want to share anything. Never let the child be in this state for a very long time. Keep trying to initiate a dialogue and trigger a conversation. They need your support - it is just that they do not know whether you can really help them in the given situation. You ought to be their best pals - and not parents - as defined in the dictionary.
"You see, it is fine if you do not want to share, but there are 3 good reasons why you should share your situation frankly with your well wishers...", started her mother.
3 Reasons Why Your Child Should Share His / Her Situation With You
"And what are those reasons, Mom?"
"First, whatever you are facing today - there are very high chances that we have already faced a similar situation in our life. We can share our experiences with you. Knowing those facts can help you feel better. These experiences help you realise the fact that you are not the only one, that you are not alone. Such situations have been faced earlier by many - even by us."
"Second, even in case if we have not personally faced it, we may know a few people who have faced a similar situation and how they faced it. We can all learn from their experiences, take clues from them and probably be more confident in facing our current situation."
"And Third, we can tell you whether the situation you are facing is good for your overall growth or not. There are many situations in life that may seem tough, but those situations make you a better personality. In fact, most situations that we face are for our benefit only."
"In the end, we guarantee you that after sharing your situation and listening to our experience sharing, you will definitely feel much better than what you are feeling right now."
"OK.." Harshu had enough reasons to share her situation.
When Ready - Ask Your Child To Share the "Real Issue"
"But before you share, remember to share the real issue and not the superficial one...". I asked her.
"What does that mean? Why would I share a superficial issue?"
"You might do it unknowingly, or you might do it to save your self esteem."
"Unkowingly?"
"Yes, many times if you do not think through of what is making you feel sad, you might not know the crux of the problem yourself. And if you do not know it yourself, then how would you share it with anyone else?"
"Ahh...ok.."
"And many other times, we ourselves tend to hide behind superficial issues so that we are not seen in low esteem. Share the real situation that is disturbing you - however small, or seemingly laughable it may seem...Because unless you share the right situation, we cannot fix the right problem."
"OK, See Mom 7 Dad, I have been given a new section - and I have no friends here...I want to change my section to the one where I have friends. I just do not like going to school now a days."
"Great...I do not think you should opt for the easier road...It is good that you are facing this challenge", I intervened in the discussion.
"What is so good about not having friends?", she asked.
4 Reasons Why Your Child Should Follow the Uncomfortable Path
"See Harshu, there are many good reasons to avoid following the easier path.."
"First, It is good for building a robust personality."
"How does a bad situation help me build my personality Dad?"
"You are now being faced with a situation where you have to initiate a discussion with an unknown person. This is going to build your personality. I will tell you my own experience when I was a child.."
"What is your experience...?"
"I never had a section change throughout my schooling. That was never the trend in those days of schooling. therefore, I had a closed group of 2-3 friends and that's it. I played with the same set of 2-3 friends, sat with them, ate with them, studied with them. I never had any other exposure - so much so that I did not even know the names of so many of my class mates. But everything was very comfortable, very nice. Unfortunately, this comfort feeling made me an introvert. And then, very soon, I had to face the real world. I had a very tough time when I had to leave the school for my engineering college. I had not developed any inter-personal skills to make new friends during my school days. It was a very tough time for me. I used to come back home every weekend from my college because there were no friends there... If you do not face this uncomfortable situation today, you will have to face an enlarged version of the situation when you go out to college.."
She was seemingly feeling better when my wife intervened.
"And Harshu, you see the second problem with being too close to the same set of friends is that it only results in you getting attached to them. Too much attachment can be very harmful. I know one of my friends who chose a career path after school just based on what her best friend was choosing. She later on found that career path to be uninspiring. Today, she neither has her friend, nor a satisfying career. "
We all smiled...Yes, Harshu also.
"You see, if someone can show you the future of what you are trying to do, you can connect the dots to realise the third reason why you should not follow the easier path - The reason is that whatever is happening, is happening for your good. You ought to believe in this theory. This will make you feel better. The other way is to have faith - unrelenting faith - in God. [Read : Unrelenting Faith can cut even your past Karmas]. Trust HIM that he is giving you the situations for your benefit. You would anyway realise that in future. [Read : Dots Connect Only in Retrospect]"
"Hmmm...", the younger one was coming to terms.
"Fourth, by following this uncharted path - you become wiser and more knowledgeable when you connect with different people, different cultures. You become open minded to different possibilities of life. You see different perspectives to look at the same situation. You realise that no one is ever wrong. All these are cherished life skills - the sooner you acquire, the better ! The fact is that these skills can be acquired only in uncomfortable situations like these."
[Read : Daily Duels of Right Vs Wrong]
"I definitely feel a little better now", exclaimed my younger fairy.
"Wish you loads of luck for tomorrow. I am sure tomorrow would be better than today as you set yourself on your journey towards being a better, wiser and an intellectual person - just like your mom !"
Both - me and my wife - giggled her towards the door entrance as we took her for an evening walk - something that has become a family routine post my financial freedom.
Cheers
Manoj Arora
Life elevating books :
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